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What do preists and Mcdonalds have in common?

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They both stick there meat in 10 year old buns Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly? Kick his sister in the jaw.

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How do you make an old woman start cursing? Why do men get their great ideas in bed? Because their plugged into a genius! What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again. What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common? One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit. A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.

What has got two legs and bleeds? What do you call an afghan virgin A: Mever bin laid on Q: Why is santa so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

Why did God give men penises? So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up. What do you call a lesbian dinosaur A: When do you kick a dwarf in the balls? When he is standing next to your miss saying her hair smells nice Q: Why did Tigger look in the toilet? Because he was looking for Pooh If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?

Do you know what the square root of 69 is? Ate something If you had a donkey and I had a chicken and if your donkey ate my chicken what will you have? Three feet of my cock up your ass.

What kind of bees produce milk? What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? And possibly use a lubricant. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? They don't have balls to scratch. What do bread and autistic kids have in common? They both have special needs Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?

Why are YOU shaking? She's going to eat me! One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister. They both suck for four quarters. Q; What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? A rabbi cuts them off; A priest sucks them off Q: Why do dwarfs laugh when they play soccer?

The grass tickles their balls Q: What do you get when you cross A-Rod with Chris Brown? A cheater, cheater, woman beater. What is pink, goes in hard and dry and comes out soft and wet? What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn't? What does a good bar and a good woman have in common?

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Liquor in the front and poker in the back! Why does the Easter Bunny hide Easter eggs? He doesn't want anyone knowing he's been fucking the chickens! What is the difference between erotic and kinky? Erotic is using a feather Did you hear Lorena Bobbit just died? Yeah I heard she was on the freeway and some dick cut her off. When does a cub become a boy scout? When he eats his first Brownie. What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

How do you tell if a chick is too fat to fuck? When you pull her pants down her ass is still in them Q: What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common? By the time you're finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.

Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U. What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic? How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

What do u call a bunny with a bent dick? What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo? A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe. What's 6 inches long and starts with a p? Why is being in the military like a blow-job?

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The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel. What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate? What do hockey players and Surrey girls have in common? They both only change their pads after every third period! What is the difference between oral and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day and Anal sex makes your whole weak.

Whats the best thing about a 18 year old girl in the shower? Slick her hair back she looks What's strong enough for a man but made for a woman?

The back of my hand. What do you call a bookworm who gets eaten by a cannibal? What do you call white men chasing a black man?

How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry. How man Sorority girls does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, One to screw it in, and one to take a picture. How do you kill a retard? Give him a knife and say "Who's special? What does a gangbanger have in common with a soda machine? They both don't work and always take your money.

Why are there only two pallbearers at a homeless guys funeral? There are only two handles on a garbage can. How do they say "fuck you" in Los Angeles? How do you get tickets to the Tampon ? Because he has holes in his hands.

Why Are crippled people always picked on? Because they can't stand up for themselves Q: Whats the hardest part about eating a vegetable? Putting her back in the wheelchair when your done What would happen if you cut off your left side? You would be all right. What is Superman's greatest weakness?

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Why did Hitler commit suicide? He got the gas bill. What is a crack head's favorite song? How do you get retards out of a tree? What do you call a gangbanger behind bars? Why did the boy fall off the swing? He didn't have any arms. What's sicker than a pile of dead babies? The one alive in the middle chewing it's way out. How do you stop a dog from humping your leg? Pick him up and suck on his cock! Why doesn't a chicken wear pants? Because his pecker is on his head! Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?

He needed to get to the bottom! What did the penis say to the condom? Cover me im going in! What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah? What's worse than spiders on your piano? Crabs on your organ. Why did the Mafia cross the road? What did the Alabama sheriff call the black guy who had been shot 15 times?

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Worst case of suicide he had ever seen. After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you. She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice.

What's black, white, and red all over and doesn't fit through a revolving door? A nun with a spear through her head. Why are pubic Hairs so curly? So they don't poke her eye out.

What's the difference between a bandleader and a gynecologist? A bandleader fucks his singers and a gynecologist sucks his fingers.

There is an apocryphal story of one who, after being told he was to be executed by a sword tester, calmly joked that if he had known that was going to happen, he would have swallowed large stones to damage the blade. He survived by raiding garden patches with a stolen gun. When he was eventually caught, according to colonial governor David Collins he was "so indifferent about meeting death, that he declared in confinement that if he should be hanged he would create a laugh before he was turned off, by playing some trick upon the executioner.

Murderer James French has been attributed with famous last words before his death by electric chair: Lieutenant, see me safe up; and for my coming down, let me shift for myself. I would not have my enemies think I quaked from fear. He had Lawrence placed on it, hence St Lawrence's association with the gridiron. After the martyr had suffered pain for a long time, the legend concludes, he cheerfully declared: Military[ edit ] Military life is full of gallows humor, as those in the services continuously live in the danger of being killed, especially in wartime.

The American nickname was "flying Zippo ". Soviet military vehicle BMP-1 was called Bratskaya Mogila Pekhoty "mass grave of infantry" by soldiers, as the hit would kill all the crew.

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Only 13 survived out of a crew of Crews joked that this stood for "Combustible, Vulnerable, Expendable" due to the ship's complete lack of armor and high numbers of ships constructed.

Graham Wettone, a retired police officer who wrote a book How To Be A Police Officer, noted the presence of black comedy in the police force.

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He described it as "often not the type of humour that can be understood outside policing or the other emergency services. A typical setup is that someone badly hurt e.